On Being Yourself
Stephanie left a comment on my How To Be A Princess Charming post saying:
I’ve always been one to go for the idea that you should just be yourself, and people will like you or they won’t. Guides to how to act so that others will like you just seem demeaning.
Not to say that there’s something wrong with etiquette, as that’s different. This just seems so fake.
I’m 100% for “being yourself” and not pretending you’re someone else, because that would just make you look shallow and superficial. And she’s right, if you act yourself, people will either like you, or they don’t, but at least you know that when they like you, they like you for who you are. 
This “being yourself” concept applies to friendship and romantic relationships, especially the latter, since the closer you become with someone, the more of the real you gets revealed due to lack of inhibitions. So now I’m just going to talk about “being yourself” in a romantic relationship, and I’m going to use myself as an example. Yay 
I used to think in the exact same way Stephanie did: you either like me for who I am, or you don’t. So in my past relationships, I never held back from being “me”. And being a typical Aries, that means my poor boyfriends saw more than their fair shares of my short and many times irrational temper tantrums, my impatiences, my dominating personality, my childishness, and my impulsiveness. Of course, I had my cute sides too, don’t worry. :3 Anyways, they could tolerate my Aries-ness at the beginning, but as time goes on, it can get too much. But hey, you either like me for who I am, or you don’t. Obviously, the smart guy would be like “hell, then I maybe I don’t like you so much and I’ll move on!”. As a matter of fact, I’d probably do the same if I were the poor guy.
After all, when we first meet someone, especially if it’s someone we’re attracted to, we always put our best face forward and hide our flaws. So really, the initial attraction is based on our best sides, and then of course it’d be easy to like someone who’s cute, fun-loving, sweet, bubbly, witty, funny, and optimistic (those would be my good points, according to past boyfriends ).
I agree that some tips given in the previous post can seem a little out-of-the-way and come off as manipulative, but the author is simply saying “Hey, if you wanna make your guy even more hopelessly in love with you, this is what makes them tick. In a good way.” The rest of the tips are just like relationship etiquettes, and they can be applied to both guys and girls. The author isn’t telling you to go out of your way to change into a completely different person (unless, God forbid, that you’re doing the exact opposite of everything he listed), but to take a different approach in what you’re already doing.
He mentions in a lot of examples girls who actually care and love their boyfriends very much, but it’s just that their way of showing it doesn’t quite click with the guy. The author goes on to say that most guys are all about “feelings”. If it feels right, then even the smallest things will make his day. If it doesn’t feel right (doesn’t connect with him I guess), then you can take a bullet for him and he could still care less. Obviously that last statement was exaggerated, but the point of the whole book was trying to help girls understand how guys think and feel.
I personally think that a lot of the tips are common sense, and I don’t think it’s fake. It’s just making an effort to make someone you love feel better, and if doing these things will make my boyfriend/fiance/significant other happier, then I think it’s worth it.
Tracy says:
Hehe, I’m a typical Capricorn (horns as well). The first months of the relationship to the Lover were the worst. We argued a lot, I was the way I was to all of my other boyfriends. Not nice and hurting at times. Impatient and stubborn. The Lover and I talked about my (and his) actions and in some things I changed (for him – for me – for everybody). I worked on my impatient-ness and don’t get all “gee are you stupid or what?”. We’ve grown together so much, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. And I’m still me
I’m still stubborn as hell at times and he worked on himself to not see a problem in that anymore (well, only sometimes).
We’re both happy now – it took a few months of “training” though
Stephanie says:
I get what you’re saying, but I think they way those ‘secrets’ were written are still pretty vulgar. As I said, there’s something to be said for etiquette, but what you posted seemed demeaning, really. Yes, you should be respectful and courteous to each other, especially when you’re just getting to know someone, but you don’t have to bow down and be submissive to a man. I think my problem with that list is more with how it was worded than the concepts it is trying to convey.
And I don’t disagree with you — I KNOW I try to ‘pull back’ some of my impatience with things when I feel like all I’ve been lately around some people is a downer. I just dislike the way that was worded.
Cassidy says:
That advice does seem to be okay, but at the same time…its more about equilibrium. The right balance between the ‘real’ you and the ‘public’ you. You have to have both.
Veronica says:
Sometimes it’s difficult to just be yourself, especially if you don’t have a clear cut idea of what your self is. I used to have the same attititude, of “You either like me or you don’t”
It wasn’t until I got a bit older that I realized some of the things about me needed to be changed. I also learned being myself is one thing, but choosing my battles also played a part. I used to just fight and fight (not physically of course) and now, I kinda just let things pass on by.
Karen says:
Great post. And people have a nose for in-authenticity. They can tell when someone’s faking… most of the time.
Of course, being oneself doesn’t mean one shouldn’t also self-edit. Sometimes my first reaction is just to tell someone exactly how I feel, but then I realize that my first impression may have been hurtful and counterproductive, so it also pays to think about what to say before saying things.
Rena says:
Hey Mimi, I found your site through Lemon-Drop listings.
I think I have the opposite problem as most people. I am pretty much loved by everyone. A lot of guys like me. And I’m pretty easy to get (I know, shame) but I get rid of guys really easily. I act like myself but part of me just doesn’t like any of the guys. Maybe I need a change of view?
Candy says:
i agree with Rena, but at the same time, it’s nice to know how to make your guy feel good. Cuz ya, i know with past bf’s i would go above and beyond and felt like they didn’t care, and i didn’t really know what they wanted. But at the same time, why should i have to accommodate to this, unless i get some reciprocation
Rozeh says:
hey! remember me? I’ve already linked you. Sorry for the delay. Hope you link me back. If you still haven’t linked me.
I have friends who only want to know and to be friends with the good side of me. I mean, I’m almost like not myself when I’m with them. I’m not saying I’m bad but they’re kind of narrow minded.
So I guess “being myself” is not that easy for me
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